Getting Past the Affair

What it is about

Getting Past the Affair is a research-based couples guide for the three jobs after an affair: understanding what happened and why, restoring a workable trust, and deciding whether the marriage continues. Snyder, Baucom, and Gordon write for both partners with structured steps—containing the crisis, sharing a fuller account, addressing vulnerabilities in the relationship, and building a new agreement about boundaries. The book sits on the shelf as the more protocol-shaped companion to Spring’s and Perel’s more narrative treatments. It assumes voluntary participation by both people; it is not a method for forcing a partner to stay, and it is not advice on how to conduct an affair.

Questions it can answer

• What are the three jobs this book names after an affair?
• How do the authors structure sharing an account and rebuilding boundaries?
• How does a research-based protocol differ from a purely narrative treatment of betrayal?

What you will not find

• Instructions for having or hiding an affair
• A guarantee that every couple will choose to stay and succeed
• A safety plan that replaces leaving when coercion is present