Come as You Are

What it is about

Come as You Are is Emily Nagoski’s account of responsive desire and of sexual brakes and accelerators. Couples use it when a desire gap is being misread as a lack of love rather than as different contexts of arousal and inhibition. Nagoski emphasises science of women’s sexuality while remaining readable for partners who want shared language. The book is sex education for understanding desire, not a performance programme and not a verdict that love has died when desire is low.

Questions it can answer

• What are responsive desire and sexual brakes and accelerators in Nagoski’s account?
• How can a desire gap be misread as a lack of love?
• What shared language does the book offer partners about context and inhibition?

What you will not find

• A guarantee that reading restores identical desire levels
• Medical diagnosis or prescription for sexual dysfunction
• An affairs-recovery protocol